![]() ![]() It's been like this for the entire time I've known him. ![]() ![]() Winter break ended, I went back to school, and the same thing - he fell off the face of the earth until spring break and summer break. He texted me out of the blue, asking when I would be back in town and that he would like to see me. We dated the whole summer, and when fall rolled around, we agreed on a long-distance relationship, but after two weeks into the semester, he fell off the face of the earth. Two years ago, I started dating this guy when I came back home from college for the summer. One might be able to help you identify why you have such trouble expressing yourself and might help you break the cycle. By all means, talk to friends and family too, but a pro will have specific experience in identifying root causes and patterns. Some people assume that therapists are only there for extreme or diagnosable cases but therapy can be extremely helpful in situations exactly like this: when you've identified a specific problem and you want to work on it. It's not the specific exercise that matters it's the effort you put into communication.Īll that said, if you have trouble talking about your feelings "with everyone," as you say, it might be time to take some more proactive steps. (The idea is that you can identify some places where you're just not understanding each other.) Then let him do the same. And then take a few uninterrupted minutes to gently correct or elaborate on what you said. Then ask him to explain what you said, without interrupting him. First, ask him to listen, without interrupting, for, say, five minutes. Here's a simple exercise that involves taking turns and can help your partner understand what you're saying. Sometimes, couples therapists suggest creating a structure for tough conversations, so you don't have to worry so much about how to talk while you're figuring out what to say. Tell him that you need him to be patient while you work on opening up. Tell him what you wrote me: that you have trouble expressing your feelings and you want to get better at it because you care about him. Before you get into talking about whether you love him or not, talk about how you feel about talking. ![]() Don't let that unreality take over the relationship. Our minds race, and we fill in the quiet with all sorts of paranoid theories, which are often much worse than the truth. Either way, you're both shutting each other out. When it gets to be too much, you hit the mute button. Think of a bad argument like a stereo that's blasting. Understand that when he's upset, that frustration might feel like a judgment and it might feel like he's blaming you for the problem, but he's just reacting to the stress and confusing emotions in his own way. It sounds like it bothers you when he gets "really upset" and then retreats. Think about what you need to feel safe and then ask him for it. The one essential thing you can do is to try to create a sense of safety when you have these important conversations. And it sounds like it's tougher for you than most. Opening yourself up, trusting someone, admitting your needs, and making yourself vulnerable are hard things to do. Even motormouth exhibitionists struggle to be open with the people they care about. How do I open up? How do I become confident talking about my feelings? I do have feelings for him, but every time I try to say something, I feel very anxious and end up being silent. I feel very bad because he is always very open with me and I can't be like that. He got really upset and tries to avoid the subject. He recently told me he is in love with me, and I did not know what to say to him. Except one thing - I have trouble talking about my feelings. My relationship with boyfriend is very good. ![]()
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